Crushed (In This Moment Book 2) Page 6

  So, as much as it’s going to kill me. I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to end my friendship with Eric. If I don’t act now, I’ll lose my nerve, and if I wait, I’ll end up broken hearted for sure.

  “Is this seat taken?” I ask Tiffany, who looks up at me in annoyed disgust. The first step in severing my friendship with Eric: moving where he can’t sit next to me. So, while I don’t want to sit next to her any more than she does me, it’s my only option.

  “No,” she drawls, narrowing her eyes.

  “Great!” With a smile on my face, I plop down in the seat next to her, pretending to be unfazed by her obvious irritation.

  “Uh, don’t you sit up there?” Tiffany’s friend Raven chimes in, rolling her eyes as she points to the front of the room where I normally sit with Eric. I’m not sure what I’ve done to these girls, but they clearly don’t care much for me. I’m not asking if they want to be BFFs, all I want to do is sit here. Geez.

  “I did, but now I want to sit here.” Ignoring their hateful glares, I begin unpacking my things and placing them on the table in front of me.

  “Did you and Eric break up or something?” Tiffany pries, chuckling as my body stiffens.

  She isn’t the first person to assume Eric and I were dating. It’s not a farfetched assumption, I suppose. We are together all day. We walk to class together, sit together, eat lunch together, and ride together—at least, we did.

  “Yeah,” Raven chimes in again. “You’re going to break the poor boy’s heart.”

  My eyes snap in their direction as they both begin to snicker, my jaw ticking as I work to keep my temper at bay. I’m having a shitty day and don’t need these two adding to it.

  “Eric and I aren’t a couple,” I force out between clenched teeth. “He’ll be fine, I assure you. He has a girlfriend.”

  The girls exchange a look, their eyes widening before turning back to me.

  “What?” they cry out in unison.

  “But…he’s so obviously into you,” Tiffany says, her features drawing in.

  “Yeah, the guy is like obsessed or something,” Raven adds. “His girlfriend must really hate you.”

  They have that part right. Rachel hates my guts. She made that clear from the start. They’re delusional if they think Eric has feelings for me, though. Obsessed? Where the hell did they get that?

  “I promise,” I sulk. “You’re wrong. Eric isn’t interested in me like that. As for his girlfriend hating me, I’m taking care of that for her.”

  Tiffany and Raven exchange another look before going back to ignoring me, and I move my attention to the door. When Eric walks in the room, I stop breathing. Taking his seat, he regards the empty one next to him, surprised concern flashing on his face. His eyes move from the door to the clock a hundred times over the next sixty seconds, not once thinking to look at the back of the room. Why would he? It’s not as if he’s expecting me to end our friendship today. Guilt gnaws at my gut causing bile to rise in my throat, but I need to see this through.

  The bell rings, and our Algebra teacher walks in. Almost immediately, Coach Hester notices I’m not in my usual seat. His eyes scan over the room and stop on me moments later before making his way over. Being his best student, I’ve talked to him a lot over the year. We’re more like friends than student and teacher.

  “What are you doing?” he whispers, trying not to draw anyone’s attention.

  “Nothing,” I shrug. “I needed a change of scenery.”

  “Did you two break up or something?” He nods toward Eric, then looks around to see if anyone is listening, his cheeks pinkening a little.

  What is with everyone? Have they all missed out on Eric’s make-out sessions with Rachel every damn day? I sure as hell haven’t.

  “No. We weren’t a couple.”

  “Really?” His voice rises to a higher octave as the same confused expression Tiffany and Raven had only a moment ago contorts his features. Shaking his head, he eyes Eric before looking down at me again. “You know he’s going to freak when he figures out you moved away from him, right?”

  Rolling my eyes, I sigh. “I assure you, he’ll be fine. Don’t you need to teach the class?”

  My tone makes his eyes narrow, but he doesn’t comment any further before making his way back to the front of the class.

  Eric’s eyes are still glued on the door, and my heart beats against my ribcage so hard, I fear everyone in the room can hear it. Knots twist my stomach, anticipating the moment he realizes what’s happening. Maybe I didn’t think this through. What if they’re right? What if Eric does get upset? I can’t handle seeing hurt in his eyes.

  But I’m doing this for me. I can’t keep playing his second string.

  Coach Hester calls my name for attendance and my head snaps up as I hesitate for a moment. Everyone except Eric has taken note of my move, and the room is starting to erupt with snickers and whispered gossip.

  When I finally say, “Here,” Eric’s head whips back to find me. Averting my eyes, I try to ignore his glare and pain-filled expression as laughter fills the room.

  No turning back now.

  MY JULES

  December 19th

  “What exactly do you think you’re fucking doing?” I hiss, my fists clenched and jaw taut. Now that we’re far enough away from Julianna, I can breathe again, but my head is spinning.

  When my little brother, Levi, asked to buy me a drink for my birthday at Zane’s after work, I reluctantly agreed—something I’m deeply regretting now.

  Finding him hitting on some woman when I walked in the bar wasn’t a surprise. He sees himself as a bit of a Casanova, but I saw red when I figured out that woman was Jules. The way she was laughing and smiling at him made my stomach churn and heart ache, pouring salt into a wound that’s only festered over the past seven years.

  Why the hell is she even here? Last I heard, she was living a privileged life with that son-of-a-bitch husband of hers. I never could understand what she saw in that prick. My best guess, she wanted out of Smyth, or Tennessee altogether, and he’d been her ticket.

  “Whoa!” Levi holds his hands up in surrender. “Calm down, big brother. I had no clue that was your Jules. If I had known, I never would have hit on her.” His eyes shift to the left and I follow them back over to the other side of the bar where Julianna is sitting with another woman now. “Damn,” he whistles, “has she always been that fucking beautiful? If so, I can certainly understand your obsession a little better now.” He smirks as his gaze lands back on me, and I narrow my eyes at him.

  Julianna Stevens—Monroe now—was never mine, regardless of how much I may have wanted that to be true. She’s always been gorgeous, though. I’ve been in awe of her beauty, her pale skin, raven hair, and those piercing blue eyes, since the first time I laid eyes on her. You’d expect age to have a negative impact on a person, but she’s even more breathtaking now.

  “Fuck off, and stop ogling her. I told you, she’s married.”

  Truth is, the fact that Julianna is married has nothing to do with my irritation over him hitting on her. It’s because I’ll always see her as my Jules, even if that never has been or will be true.

  “I don’t think so, bro,” he protests, shaking his head. “She wasn’t wearing a ring, and she seemed pretty receptive to—”

  Cutting him off with a growl, my nostrils flare as I shoot him a look of warning. I don’t want to hear about him hitting on Jules, and I certainly don’t want to hear about her liking it.

  “Look,” I grit out, fighting the urge to keep my eyes on her. “I don’t know why she isn’t wearing her ring, but she married that prick Christopher. Trust me on this one.”

  “Maybe she did, but you were married once too. Things change, big brother.”

  Bringing up my sham of a marriage earns him another dirty look, my lips pressing into a hard line as my eyes squint. He knows I don’t like to talk or even think about Cara. Marrying her was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. I acted on impul
se and a broken heart.

  Levi shakes his head, patting my shoulder in a patronizing way. “All I’m saying is you should at least talk to her, and if not…you should let me have a shot.”

  He laughs at the annoyance on my face as I grumble, and I lightly punch him in the gut. I know he’s only messing with me, but this isn’t a joke.

  The sound of her laughter travels all the way over from the other side of the bar, filling my ears and sending vibrations over my skin. My body relaxes as I look over at her, my lips curving into a smile against my will. I’ve always loved her laugh—genuine, sincere, uninhibited. Though, to be fair, I loved everything about her. There was a time when I could make her laugh like that, and I did so as often as possible.

  STEER CLEAR

  My heart slams in my chest when I see Jules standing outside my sixth period classroom, and I nearly lose all composure when her eyes meet mine. She hasn’t looked at me—really looked—since she stopped talking to me last year. Unsure how to react, I end up averting my eyes out of habit before attempting to scurry past her.

  “Eric?” she calls out softly, causing me to freeze.

  My back straightens and I hesitate, unsure I have the courage to hear what she’ll say. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turn to face her, and my heart jumps in my throat when she meets my gaze with an apologetic smile.

  “I, uh…” she begins, her voice low and strained. As her words trail off, she lifts her hand, holding up what appears to be some type of card, her hand visibly shaking. “I wanted to give you this.”

  I examine the card with confusion, a million questions streaming through my mind, but I remain silent as I reach out to accept the card from her.

  When I look at her again, it steals every ounce of breath left in me. Her expression is warm, yet sorrowful, the light in the hall glistening off the wet glaze over her eyes.

  “Okay…” She claps her hands together as she diverts her eyes. “I’ll see you around.”

  By the time I finally get my vocal cords to cooperate, the sound of the bell ringing drowns me out. Then, she’s gone, leaving behind the strawberry scent of her hair, and my chest tightens. Clutching the card tighter in my hands, I walk to my seat in class, trying to wrap my head around what just happened.

  After Jules decided to stop speaking to me last year, she was a little cruel and completely unwavering.

  Not that I didn’t deserve it to some degree. I’ve heard the things she’s said about me—how I used her as a stand in for Rachel when she wasn’t around or I needed a ride. But none of that was even close to true. If anything, Rachel was her stand in, but I understand how she might’ve felt that way.

  My crush on Jules had grown and festered for years before I even worked up the courage to talk to her. Then we became friends, and I realized my feelings for her ran so much deeper—that I loved her. Is there anything more terrifying than love? If there is, I hope I never face it. Sure, I wanted to tell Jules how I felt. I wanted to scream it from the damn rooftops. But fear held me back. Jules had become the air in my lungs, the sun in my sky, and the beat of my heart. I wanted to be sure of her feelings for me. I didn’t want to risk losing her. Yet, it was my lack of action that caused me to lose her.

  I was such an idiot. Intentional or not, I know I hurt her, and I tried to make it right. For months, I begged, pleaded, and apologized. But my break up with Rachel had come too late. She wouldn’t forgive me no matter what I did or said.

  After all this time, I never expected her to speak to me again. It wasn’t easy to accept that fact, but the summer full of girls and partying had certainly aided in finding my peace over the situation. Of course, one might argue my behavior was more of an outcry than acceptance. But either way, it kept my mind off the pain of losing her.

  My head swims as I open the card. The students surrounding me fade into nothing, their laughter and conversations muted as I read her words.

  December 20th

  “It’s my day off, Red. I don’t get many of these, you know? I’d like to enjoy it.” I groan into the phone as I pour myself a cup of coffee.

  My line of work doesn’t allow for a lot of days off. Not that I’m complaining. I thrive on staying busy—idle hands and all. Still, I need this day. Seeing Julianna last night stirred up some ugly shit inside me. The last time I’d laid eyes on her, she had been wearing a white dress, looking like a gift from the heavens. It’s an image I haven’t been able to wipe from my mind, no matter how hard I’ve tried.

  Julianna is the source of more than one heartbreak for me, yet she remains the only woman I’ve ever truly loved. Cutting her out of my life hadn’t been easy. In fact, it damn near killed me, but it was necessary for my sanity. I figured out a long time ago I’ll always love Julianna; she holds my heart.

  But she chose him. She married him. And I had to let her go.

  She still doesn’t know I showed up to her wedding. I wanted to see it for myself, but I couldn’t bear to face her. I knew it would cut me so deep, hurt so badly, I’d never want to reopen that wound again. It worked like a charm too. Hearing her pledge to love and cherish another man for the rest of her life felt like a knife to the heart.

  I almost wish Levi hadn’t shared the knowledge that her marriage to Christopher is ending. Having her back in my life would be dangerous. Julianna could easily annihilate me. She’s ripped my heart from my chest and left me to bleed out more than once. Though, my head may know to steer clear, my heart and soul are crying out for her.

  “Oh yes, I’m very aware. I don’t exactly get a ton of free time myself these days. You know, since I’m responsible for running the whole damn office. Which is why I called. I’m placing an ad in the paper to run for the next couple weeks.” I sigh, my jaw ticking as I struggle to keep my mouth closed. “We need the help, Eric. I need help,” she whines.

  When I hired Red, my business was just getting off the ground. At the time, all I needed was someone to help me keep the appointments and billing organized, but we’ve grown over the years and the workload is too much for the two of us. She’s been begging me to hire someone new for months now, but I’ve been dragging my feet because I hate the idea of working with a stranger. My business is my baby. I built it from the ground up, and trusting someone with that isn’t easy.

  “Fine. As long as I don’t have to deal with it.”

  “Okay, Mr. Crab-ass. Maybe you should go get laid today. It would probably help you loosen up some.”

  “Goodbye, Red,” I clip, hanging up the phone as she begins to laugh.

  If she weren’t like a sister to me, I wouldn’t tolerate that type of comment, but I know she means well. And I can’t say she’s wrong. I’ve been more of an asshole than usual lately, but it hasn’t had anything to do with getting laid.

  My mind drifts back to Julianna and the way it felt having her in my arms last night. In a moment of pure weakness, I’d even inhaled her scent as if it were a drug and I needed a fix. Keeping my distance is the only way I’ll ever survive her return.

  NOT OVER HER

  A pain rips through my chest when I spot Julianna on the dance floor in her date’s arms, a warm smile lighting up her beautiful face. I hadn’t expected to see her at the prom. It wasn’t something we talked about, but she’s usually anti-school functions, so I assumed she’d sit the prom out as well.

  Accepting her apology last year had been a no brainer; I’d been the one to screw things up between us. The truth is, I couldn’t stand not having her in my life. The thing that’s been killing me over the past year is keeping her at an arm’s length. Jules had been my world, and when I lost her, it came crashing down around me. She’s meant for great things and big places. I know I can’t keep her, and I can’t put myself through the pain of losing her again.

  For the most part, I’ve finally found a happy middle ground with her. Then there are moments like tonight when I’m reminded that I’m always going to want Jules, all of her, and I’ll never have that. She looks undeniably
gorgeous tonight—her skin-tight, shimmering silver dress hugging every luscious curve of her body, but I loathe how she’s in the arms of another guy.

  I’ve been seeing my girlfriend Amanda for months now, and I like her a lot. We’ve had some great times together—especially when we’re alone—but she’s not Jules.

  My stomach tenses into a more intricate knot with every passing second she’s still dancing with that douchebag. That must be the boyfriend she’s been telling me about—Jason. I don’t need to meet him to know I hate him. From the stories she’s told me, he really likes to dick around with her heart.

  My fists curl when the asshole checks out some other girl dancing beside them. That jerk doesn’t deserve to have Jules in his arms. He shouldn’t have the privilege of being here with her tonight. He probably hasn’t even told her how breathtaking she looks because he’s too afraid she might wake up and realize she’s too damn good for him. Yet, I bet he’s still planning on touching her tonight, probably even more than that—maybe he already has.

  The thought makes my blood boil, the room feeling overly hot as my stomach begins to churn. I can’t keep standing here torturing myself this way.

  “I’m ready to go,” I whisper in Amanda’s ear, placing my hand on her ass.

  “Already?” She giggles. “Can’t you wait a little longer?”

  My eyes travel back over to the dance floor right as Julianna’s gaze lands on me. Her smile beams, causing my heart to swell as she begins heading in my direction.

  “Nope,” I reply, taking her hand in mine. “I’m ready now. Let’s go.”

  I’m already pulling Amanda toward the exit by the time Jules breaks through the crowd of people. I can’t face her right now, or deal with meeting her date.

  December 26th

  “Please tell me that wasn’t Julianna you followed to the bathroom,” my sister chides as I take my seat back at the table.

  My head is spinning like it took a blow, my thoughts echoing Julianna’s words. “No one has ever caused me more heartache than you.” Is that true? Had I really hurt her that deeply? The mere thought makes me sick to my stomach.